Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Macc Lads - Twenty Golden Crates

The Macc Lads - the self proclaimed "rudest crudest lewdest drunkest band in Christendom" - formed in the late 1970s in Macclesfield, UK, playing a fusion of punk and hard rock. Their career spanned the years 1981 to 1995 and they became notorious for their irreverent and foul mouthed lyrics, political incorrectness, drinking, sexism and homophobia. They managed to offend a great many people and were repeatedly banned from venues and radio stations whilst retaining a die hard fan base.

They are perhaps best described as the musical equivalent of the Viz comic, sharing many of the same themes (although Splodgenessabounds claimed the same). Indeed an early Viz character Brown Bottle made his first (and thus far only) live appearance in the music video for the song Barrel's Round.

Their song lyrics cover an array of subjects, including beer, sex, chips 'n' gravy, football, fighting, and bodily functions. "Newcy Brown" beer makes an appearance in one song, as does Willies (JW Lees), but Boddingtons is the beer of choice for a true Macc Lad. And according to the Lads' songs, forcing a gay man to drink several pints of Boddingtons will change his sexual orientation. Numerous synonyms for female genitalia, sexual intercourse, and homosexuals have been coined by The Macc Lads throughout the years, which is a great source of pride. However, frontman/bassist Muttley McLad is reported to have said that his proudest achievement is rhyming "George Michael" with "menstrual cycle".

Track Reviews

1. No Sheep 'til Buxton – This song within the first 2 words you realise about any group of people that have an overfriendly relationship with Sheep, such as the Welsh (apparently). Great song and one that I’m sure was their most popular single, though I can’t find any evidence of that at the moment.
“Sheep, Sheep, everywhere, all the farmer's daughters have a sheepskin coat
Sheep, Sheep, everywhere, they've got to wear a woolly if they want to pull a bloke.”

2. Sweaty Betty – The whole song is about Betty who appears to be the fattest, sweatiest, smelliest, woman in all of Macclesfield. This song was also the 2nd Macc Lads song I had ever heard and it introduced me to the term mutton dagger, which the wife doesn’t approve of. You realise at the end that the guy being sung about quite fancies Betty and was chuffed he got his leg over. It’s another good song that’s been put together well and with the exception of the swearing probably could have been released as a single.
“Flabby arse, sweaty breasts, thirty eight chins, she was a mound of flesh.”

3. Buenos Aires – This is basically 2 fingers up at Argentina or Iraq depending on which version you hear. The one on this album is the Iraq one and basically the idea is that Sadam Hussein stands no chance against lads that know how to hold their beer, another very funny but very un-PC song.

Original Buenos Aires - “You can keep that poof Ardiles, we're going to have your Malvinas”
Updated Version - “Give us back fat Terry Waite, or get a Dr Marten in the face”

4. Beer 'n' Sex 'n' Chips 'n' Gravy – If you know a Macc Lads song then it could well be this one. This is a short quick song about the basic needs of a Macc Lad. Apparently they still go out in Macc and still act like idiots, getting drunk and getting into fights. Nice little double-entendre in this song:
'Can you hold your liquor love?'
'Yes I can, always by the ears.'

5. Guess Me Weight – Another song about sex and about how good the lads are at getting it and having it. Couple more double-entendres in this but not really printable ones. Again another song that is really good but not for the easily offended.

6. Maid Of Ale – The lads spot a hitchhiker on the M65, they think she’s from Macclesfield due to the state of her, but it turns out she owned a pub in London. Another song that follows the Macc Lads story telling songs, this is quite good as it actually makes sense, unlike a lot of songs nowadays that rant out about random rubbish that apparently constitutes a song. This song also has the best 2 lines in any Macc Lads song comparing the hitch-hiker to a feminine hygiene product…

7. Ben Nevis – Hooray, a song about flatulence. Ben Nevis is one of the band members who was considered one of the fatties, however the fatties got their revenge by jumping on the thinnies at every opportunity. This song is quite simply about being trapped in a van with Ben following his consumption of Four chicken curries, eight tandooris, boiled eggs & three kebabs.
“F***! F***! Abandon truck! All the windows steaming up”

8. Blackpool – A song about going to Blackpool to drink and fight and the introduction of the word Groat-os (made up as it rhymes with photo’s). It’s an alright song but not a favourite

9. Dan's Underpant – Having been to the new Indian restaurant called the New Delhi the lads obviously worse for wear went to a party, but Dan (see also Desparate Dan on Beer Necessities review) has more bodily function issues. Another intriguing song that is actually quite good but again not one you’d play in front of the parents as it’s quite disgusting.

10. Knock Knock – A series of knock knock jokes with a very rude theme, a very short song though with 3 verses and choruses in just over 1 minute. Again, not for those easily offended.

11. Gordon's Revenge – If you’ve watched Team America this is similar to “I’m so Ronery” sung by Kim Jong Il. However in this case it’s the owner of the Chinese/Chip Shop who sings about the abuse that he gets but also about how he gets his revenge. If you liked Ronery then you’ll like this, if you were offended by Ronery then you’ll definitely be offended by this.

12. My Pub – Very good song this, it’s about how a traditional pub, one that the lads have been served in for 20 years, suddenly turns into a wine bar with a strict dress code and serving fizzy lager rather than the usual Tetleys or Boddies.
“What the f*** have they done to my pub?”

13. Charlotte – A song about a woman in Macclesfield who has somewhat of a reputation, apparently many women have claimed to be Charlotte but the band won’t admit who it’s about. This is a totally a bloke song about being desperate at the end of the night and looking for the girl most likely to say yes.

14. Dead Cat – This song is about a gig the lads went to that was banned (not a surprise as about half of the gigs they tried to have were cancelled for some reason). They then just wanted to go and have some beer and pull some girls. This isn’t a great song and although it’s got a good chorus the verses let it down a lot.

15. Boddies – This song is about one of the band who’s been with a woman and thus not been down “The Bear’s Head” for drinking sessions with Boddingtons. The Macc Lads feel that Lager is basically a fizzy foreign kind of pop, consumed by women and children. Quite a short song again but to the point and you know exactly what the song is about and what point they are getting across.

16. Fluffy Pup – This is a very good song with a female lead as well which is strange to hear on Lads track. It’s basically about a guy who’s trying to chuck his girlfriend but she talks in front of his mates about all the romantic things they did. He’s obviously not very happy about this and tries to get her to shut up.

17. Julie The Schooly – This song is about a young girl one of the lads went out with, it’s not clear how old she was but at a guess I’d say 15. Also like most of the women in the songs she’s portrayed as a rather dirty girl, both in appearance and attitude.

18. Lady Muck – As the name suggests she had a fur coat and no knickers. Basically about a very posh woman who one of the lads managed to attract and they were impressed that didn’t swear even when she spilt her chips and gravy. It’s an ok song but lower down the list of good songs on the album.

19. Miss Macclesfield – This song is similar to Sk8ter Boi by Avril Lavigne but with a Macc Lads twist. Basically one of the lads went to school with this girl who went on to win Miss Macclesfield, she then thought she was above everyone else and went off to be a toff. however if she came back now the lads wouldn’t care. It’s quite a good song and good to see they haven’t just filled the end of the album with bad tracks.
“She may have been a beauty queen, but I'd rather go down the pub.”

20. Nagasaki Sauce – A song basically describing an evening out for the lads culminating in going down Gordon’s (see track 11) for chips n gravy and half a dozen other dishes. It’s a simple song that’s sung very much in a group style.

21. Barrels Round – Barrel was one of the roadies for the band, and half past ten was his turn for a round. This song heavily features the kazoo which of often turns up in Macc Lads songs especially ones like this, which are very upbeat and sees the lads enjoying themselves. Admittedly it’s whilst being drunk and singing about getting more drunk.

22. Twenty Pints – Another song about being a Macc Lad, how you need to drink twenty pints in order to prove your worth. Then you go outside for a fight, then down to Images (Macclesfield’s best nightclub) to chat up women and drink more. This song is very much the Macc Lads and you can see them doing this in their heyday and also apparently still now they are out regularly.

23. Saturday Night – Last song on the album and one that’s similar to the last and revolves around being a Macc Lad, drinking and fighting and swearing at anyone who isn’t a Lad. It’s funny, because it’s true, they really are like this and what makes it funnier is that their proud of it.

Overall this is a great album for this style of music, it’s hilarious and with many short songs there’s bound to be a few that you like, provided you’re not offended within the first 2 words of the album… Sheep Sha**ers.

Summary: Excellent compilation album


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